I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
