maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
