I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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