her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
