I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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