i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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