Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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