sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
