Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
