I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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