Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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