K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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