im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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