with your own penis?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I did not marry a roomba.
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