what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
