My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
