1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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