i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
