it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
