I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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