Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
