I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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