please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sorry about my life...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
