I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
