woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
