My liver just broke up with me...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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