I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
