i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
