Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
