I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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