Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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