the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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