I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I need to align my fucking chakras
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
