I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
