I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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