this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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