Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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