I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
