mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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