I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
