i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
