I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
