well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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