Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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