i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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