You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
