He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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