And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
