you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
