with your own penis?
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
