I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
