she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
