I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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